"Then I was inspired, now I'm sad and tired..."

Hi.

Thanks everyone for all your prayers and support. It means a lot to me. I'm sorry I sound so pessimistic and pathetic in recent posts. I just don't know what to do anymore.

There are moments when I feel like maybe prayer will work and a miracle will happen, but then something happens and I can't help but thinking that there can't be a god out there because what kind of god would let this happen to people if he had the power to stop it? I mean, I would like to think that if even a normal human, born prone to sin as we are, were given omnipotent powers, he/she would feel inclined to cure people of disease. I know if I had powers like that, the first thing I would do would be to conjure a cure for cancer. Wouldn't you? I know I am not explaining my thought process well, but this post would end up far too long if I tried to thoroughly explain what I mean. Hopefully you can understand what I'm getting at...

Dr. Pitot called today with the results of my MRI. There is a tumor on the left side of my spine, about level with my shoulders. This is what is causing all the pain in my left arm. There is another, smaller growth somewhere lower on my spine, but Pitot was a bit vague on its exact location. I am scheduled to meet with the radiation people tomorrow. We'll get another simulation and treatment schedule set up, probably for next week.

Which royally sucks. Radiation is rather inconvenient since you have to be there everyday. I'm contemplating asking my parents to get a hotel room for me downtown. Then I can just chill out there and walk to my treatments. In my spare time, I could walk to Barnes & Noble, go swimming, go to the library or the park, and so on. It's just an idea. Definitely not necessary since we live so close, but at least I'd get to go swimming everyday. Maybe I'll just do it for a couple days. Any excuse to go swimming.

Swimming is my favorite outdoor activity. It's the best form of exercise I can get. I don't swim laps or anything, but it's nice since I can easily move around and don't have to worry about stress on bones and such.

I know this is random, but if anyone has any spare time and enjoys sci-fi/fantasy books or is a teenager (or one at heart), I recommend you read the book Wizard's Dilemma by Diane Duane. It might not move you as much if you haven't read the other books in the series because you won't be as attached to the characters, but it is still a good read. It makes me cry every time I read it. A quick explanation of the plot: the main character, Nita, is a wizard who is desperately searching for a cure for cancer once her mother is diagnosed with a brain tumor. The Lone Power (the Devil, if you will) has bargained to cure Nita's mother, but is Nita willing to lose her wizarding powers, which allow her to save millions and slow the death of the universe, in exchange to save one person she loves?

Oh, I forgot to mention this before, but I am starting a new blog. It's not a blog to replace this one, rather it will probably add to this one. When I write for this blog, I try and watch what I say so that I don't offend anybody (unless I'm really upset and just have to say something). My new blog will be uncensored. I will write anything I please and not give a hoot about what people think, which is why I won't allow people to comment on my posts there. I will continue writing on this blog, as this one provides a place for me to update people on what I'm up to and my state of health. The link to my new blog is in the sidebar. There are no posts there yet, but expect some soon.

I think that's about it for now. I'm going to go see the new Harry Potter movie in about half an hour and need to go get ready.

I'll post more when I know more about what will be happening in the upcoming week.

Much love,
Cheryl

"Gethsemane"- Jesus Christ Superstar