"I wanna touch the earth, I wanna break it in my hands..."

Hi.

So after three days of not showering, I decided it was about time for me to bathe or something. I guess it ended-up being an "or something," because the result was me sitting in the bathtub for a good half hour, absorbing a dilute solution of Skin So Soft and hot water. Upon emerging from my stew, I reached these conclusions: the smell of Skin So Soft does not really remind me of a woodland fragrance, my head is less itchy than it was before, and my feet are shedding their skin as if they were part snake. The rest of me does not exactly feel soft as kind-a oily, but I've decided to let the oils soak in for a while longer to see if improves the overall condition of my rather dry skin. If it does not, I'll rinse off with normal water later tonight and continue on with my regular skin regime.

My stomach feels gross. This is due to having chemo yesterday. It was not a fun day. We got there at 8 a.m. for blood tests, had to wait until 10 a.m. to meet with Dr. Pitot, and then wait until 12 p.m. to finally begin chemotherapy. This week was a long treatment week so we did not leave the Clinic until at least 5 p.m. I was tired, cranky, and felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out again. This is what we learned from Dr. Pitot: nothing. Surprise, surprise. He said it is good the pain in my liver is gone and that the liver counts found via my earlier blood draw were not conclusive to deciding if my current chemotherapy is actually doing anything. So, basically, we have learned nothing new and probably paid a couple hundred dollars to learn information I could have told you a couple weeks ago. Oh, we did find that I'm losing weight; I weigh about 108 pounds and Dr. Pitot says I should not be drinking water but lots of juices for the calories. Oh well.

I was supposed to have photography today, but the class was cancelled. This is good because the rest of the class was going to be taking a test, while I waited until they were done, and then we were all going to learn about portrait photographs. So I would have sat there for a half an hour with my sore stomach and then tried to learn something. It wouldn't have been good. Like I said, I'm glad class was cancelled for today.

I pretty much have my next assignment figured out. A few lighting adjustments and making the final decision for what will be included in the photos and I should be set to start shooting the film. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but the song I decided on was "Incomplete" by Fish.

Preggie pops are good. They're supposed to be for pregnant people, but they work well for chemo people too. They are like giant, sour Jolly Ranchers that make my stomach feel a little better.

I still feel dead skin flaking off of me. Gross. But Dad says I smell better. That is a good thing. I do not like to smell.

I hung-out with both sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles this weekend. On one side we were celebrating birthdays and on the other side we were splitting wood for the upcoming winter. Well, they were splitting wood: I stayed inside and monitored the Gopher's football game and took a nap. What can I say, I was just doing my part. =P

I went to Panera with my friend Laura on Sunday for brunch. It was delightful. We visited and munched on bagels. Afterwards, we went to Savers to find stuff for me to smash for my photography assignment. Good times. =)

The lights for my fluorescent gardening light have finally arrived. Dad hung the unit on my wall and my orchids seem to be thriving in the additional light. Actually, I can't really tell if they're thriving. Their leaves are turning a lighter shade of green, which is good, and none of them seem to be getting sunburned, which is also good. My one phalaenopsis, Princess, is beginning to bloom. It doesn't have a full splay, but it has a couple of nice blossoms at the end of one stalk. The thing you must know about Princess is that she is a resilient bloomer. She will literally put out new blooms until she dies because she has not put enough energy into vital things, such as growing roots and leaves. So after these two blossoms die away, I'm cutting her stalks off to force her to concentrate on those things before I re-pot her. Another orchid, a Miltassia that I have not named, is also deciding to bloom. Again, it does not have a full splay of blooms, but I'm impressed it decided to bloom at all since that stalk had looked like it was going to die. Maybe I should name the plant Trooper, since that's what it seems to be. My hibiscus is finally starting to like me. I have had this plant for quite a while and it seemed to be at its happiest when it was at my grandparents' house in Zumbrota, not under my care. While living here, its leaves are droopy and it always looks sad. I tried moving it into the window to give it more light and it just shot me the suicidal glare later that day for getting it too cold. So, in an act of frustration, I said, "Fine! You're going to my room and you're gonna sit on the floor and be stuck with this fake light from the lamp just like everybody else." I check on it later that day and its leaves are reaching for the ceiling and it is practically singing with happiness. Obviously, it liked the temperature and light in my room. Who knew? So my tropical plants are good. The vine, leafy plant, and kalanchoe my boyfriend gave me for my birthday, on the other hand, I think would like to be adopted until I can learn to properly care for them. Advice on their care would be appreciated. =)

So that's enough garden talk.

Recently Claire and Zoe got new toys to play with. You're supposed to stick treats inside of them and the dogs must figure out how to get the treats out. It's rather entertaining to watch. Zoe cheats and has you hold the ball for her so she can lick the treats out and Claire has a blast throwing her ball around and looking to see if any of the treats fell out. We have to watch them while they play, however, since Claire does not like to share. She's such a brat.

And now you know...

the rest of the story.

~Cheryl

"Cowboy Take Me Away"-Dixie Chicks

"And heaven and nature sing..."

Hallelujah!

My photography assignment is done!! Albeit, my negatives and prints were not done on the recommended due dates, but they were completed this morning an hour before class, then critiqued by the class and our professor, and handed in on time!! Yay!

Wow. I feel lots better. That assignment has been bothering me a lot, so it's nice to have it done. But, alas, the next assignment has already been assigned, but this one looks like it will be more fun. The assignment is to have three prints off a roll of film shot to represent a song that you get to pick. I guess the problem is deciding what song to use! I don't know if I want to do something funny or more serious. All I do know is that it will not involve trees or outside. My last three rolls have been of woodsy, outside-ness, so I'm done with that, unless the cool look of frost draws me outside...but then I hate the cold... I think I want to do something really dramatic with lighting and pick out a song no one has heard before, probably something by Fish. But who knows; I have a little time to think about it before I have to get going on shooting the film.

Yesterday I had my weekly chemo treatment, no Avastin this time. For once, we got all the anti-nauseous drugs given to me at the right time and in the right order. Thank goodness. My stomach still wasn't great, but it was a lot better than what it could have been. While at the Clinic I watched TV until they gave me Benadryl and I was pulled into a drugged sleep. After chemo, I came home, ate a little, fell asleep, woke up, felt like crap, watched a little more TV, and went to bed...then had to wake up early for photography.

I'm feeling better now and have lots of different thoughts going through my head about my new photography assignment. I'm starting to see a glass table under spotlight with broken odd-bobs on it...

Anyways, the rest of the week I have band, which should be fun. The saxophone section is easily the best. =P I'm enjoying our songs too; we have a good variety.

Umm, what else...

I'm eating way too many Milky Ways...

This last weekend I worked on my recent photography assignment, read a book, hung-out with Ben (2 year dating anniversary- Woo!), and went to Sekapps with Dad. Oh, Sunday Mom and I went to Nelson to buy cheese. We also drove down the road a ways to the park with the swans, however, there was not a swan in sight, so that was a little disappointing. It was still a fun trip. It reminded me that I want to make a visit to Larks Toys sometime. Guess that's for another weekend adventure.

Thanks to everyone who has offered help with my photography assignments: I appreciate it. Also, to everyone who has made me a prayer shawl, thanks a ton! They are very nice to have around the house as the weather cools off.

Much love,
Cheryl

"Joy to the World"- Traditional

Stomach rolling to much to figure out a clever title...

Good afternoon.

Right now I'm sitting in the chemo ward on Gonda 10 having chemo...again. I just finished my Avastin infusion a couple minutes ago and now I'm receiving an anti-nauseous infusion to prepare me for CPT-11. I can't say that it's helping much. My stomach has been rolling all morning since I had time to fret about coming here after I woke up. The goal had been to get up early and head to RCTC so I could develop a roll of film. That didn't happen, however, since I decided I can finish everything I need to get done tomorrow after class.

Saturday provided the only nice day this week for me to finish my film for my photography assignment. Half the assignment was about taking a picture of a place under two different light settings. I had a problem with that since the light outside hasn't been too variable for the past ten days. But Saturday there was sun, so I finished that half of the picture taking and then added my element that "changes the meaning of the place" to meet all the requirements of the assignment. I decided to gather every umbrella we owned (which is a lot of umbrellas) and set them on the ground beneath the trees in our yard. I'm not quite sure how seven or so umbrellas changes the meaning of a wooded space, but at least it looked cool. While I had all the umbrellas sitting out, a couple of Boy Scouts came up our drive to sell popcorn; they probably thought I was insane because it was nice and sunny and I was running around in a jacket and taking weird pictures of umbrellas. =P

My face rather hurts from the new chemo drug, Erbitux. The acne rash annoys me: there is no compromise between trying to treat the acne and keep my face moisturized. Not only that, but I'm pretty sure the rash has spread to the rest of my head, which makes my head sore in an itchy way. I had been given a prescription to help the acne, and therefore reduce the pain, but after a few days of taking it, I started getting sick to my stomach. At first Mom and I had no clue why I was getting sick: Was it the flu? Something I ate? A bad combo of drugs? We didn't know until we finally read the back of the informational sheet about the acne medication and found its side effects included nausea and vomiting. So I stopped taking it: bad acne is better than the type of sore stomach the medicine gave me. It wasn't only the side effects of the drug that bothered me, but how finicky it was too. I couldn't take food with it and actually was supposed to avoid food for two or three hours before and after I took it. This is a really dumb requirement when chemo has switched you from eating regular meals to grazing throughout the day. I guess we'll have to figure out something else to help with the acne.

Greg came home this weekend. It was fun having him home. On Saturday we drove to Eyota in his Ford Mustang, one last cruise before it gets put away for the winter. It was fun to just drive around for a little while and hang-out.

Meh. My stomach is really starting to hurt, so I'm going to cut this post short.

Hope everyone has a good week.

~Cheryl

"Forgive me if I slip away..."

Today has been rather a "blah" day. I'm behind on my photography assignment and I don't know when I'll get it done. I can't decide what best would meet my assignment's requirements and the weather has not cooperated with me so that I could possibly take pictures outside. I had chemo again yesterday. I don't like having chemo every week; it doesn't give me a break. I guess I mentally need the break more than I physically do. Going to the clinic so often bothers me, especially when I have to be there really early and don't get out of there until the evening- a whole day of chemo and appointments. Yuck.

I guess the good news is I'm getting the promised rash from the new chemo drug, Erbitux. I know I didn't/don't want the rash- it itches, is unsightly, and promised to get worse- but having it is a sign that the drug is doing something. Other good news is the pain in my liver is gone, another sign the chemo is helping somewhat. Pitot has greatly reduced the amount of CPT-11 I'm getting, so I only feel nauseous the day I am infused, which I appreciate.

This last Friday I went to St. Ben's with some of my friends to see a play another friend was in. It was fun and the play was good. We all got to visit once the play was over, which was easily the best part of the trip.

I guess that's been the highlight of my week thus far.

I don't have anything else to report. I don't think I have anything exciting coming up either- chemo again next Monday is the only planned thing.

Oh, I went to Barnes & Noble with Mom Sunday to buy some CD's. I got the Hairspray soundtrack and Josh Groban's album Awake. Groban's CD is amazing if you appreciate a singer with an awesome vocal range and a wonderful, full tone to his voice. I guess you don't have to mind that half the album is in Italian either.

Greg is coming home this weekend too. I can't wait to see him; I miss him a lot.

Okay, that's all I really have to say.

~Cheryl

"February Song"- Josh Groban