Yesterday I had an appointment with Dr. Pitot and what I heard was disappointing:
The procedure Wednesday did get the stent in the right spot, however, there was more blockage than had been expected. Dr. Pitot says the smaller ducts, located above the stent, are an awful mass of cancer and blockage that cannot be easily drained of bile by inserting a bunch of tiny stents.
It all means I'm down to my final options: stop chemotherapy and just focus on pain management or try mixing drugs I have had in the past to form a new chemo treatment.
I decided on that latter. My first treatment was yesterday afternoon. I received an hour-long infusion of Panitumumab. Panitumumab is essentially the same as the acne-causing Erbitux. We had considered adding Oxaliplatin to the mix as well, but we would need lots of time to prepare for it since the last time I had Oxaliplatin I had an allergic reaction. There’s the possibility that I could react quite badly were I to have it a second time: it’d be like someone with a severe bee allergy being stung. Avastin, Leucovrin, and 5-FU are other chemo possibilities, but Dr. Pitot was giving me the impression that there won’t be any benefits from taking them.
I don’t know. It’s hard making these decisions, and frustrating. My mind is split as to whether I should give-up or keep fighting.
The majority of me says I can’t sit around and do nothing until I fade away. I guess that’s why I decided to keep going with chemo. After all, the drug I’m on doesn't hurt or make me nauseous. Pitot has informed me that there will come a point where my body will be too unhealthy to handle any chemo at all, so I might as keep trying chemical treatment until I can’t tolerate it anymore.
Another reason for continuing with chemo is the hope that it will help with pain in my side. We’re pretty sure it’s the lining of my liver becoming inflamed again. It really, really hurts; both my right side and near my diaphragm tighten unbearably so that it hurts to breathe. I’ve been taking lots of pain drugs to help it hurt less. The problem with this is how tired the drugs make me. I end up just lounging around in a stupor all day. It’s taken me about an hour and a half just to get this far on this post since I’ve been drifting between sleeping, watching television, and editing all the silly typos I keep putting in this draft.
Some other news...
On Sunday, I went to the Southeast Minnesota Honor Choirs concert. It was a very nice concert and one of my friends even had a solo.
Claire is sleeping here beside me and snoring quite loudly.
Okay, there we go. Some happy news. =)
~Cheryl
P.S. More information about Panitumumab can be found here: http://www.chemocare.com/bio/panitumumab.asp
"Not a Day Goes By" from the musical Merrily We Roll Along
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16 comments:
Cheryl,
I am sorry to hear about this news. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. We are glad you keep us updated through your Blog.
Cheryl,
I know the fighting is hard. My family & I pray for you to continue to have the strength to fight. God is holding you in the palm of His hand, even if you can't really feel it.
Love & prayers,
The Gary/Sandy Bryant Family
I'm so sorry to hear that the procedure is not quite as functional as hoped. You are very brave to continue to fight through such daunting odds. Know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you here this Christmas season
Your courage is amazing, Cheryl. I admire your ability to find joy in life, despite all the miserable stuff you're having to deal with. You're a very special young woman.
April H.
Cheryl,
You are such a strong person. Keep thinking positive and lucky for you it's the holiday season. Keep your thoughts on your family and friends as they come home from school. Just keep strong and remember to have fun :)
Thanks for keeping us updated through your blogs
God Bless and Happy Holidays!
You are very brave and strong.
Ask for guidance and it will come. Giving in does not mean giving up, you are loved by more people that you think is possible. Your blog has been a source of strength for many. I know because I am one of the many. G-Ma T
Cheryl,
I am so, so sorry to hear about all the hell you are going through :'(
I love how you keep on fighting no matter what, you're an inspiration to us all
I want to come visit you this week and hang out or something, call me an let me know when a good time is, I haven't seen you in forever and that's retarded since I live so close to you.
Keep fighting Cheryl, I love you :)
Cheryl, I just caught up on your new blog... some pretty powerful things to think about. I don't understand why the world is so screwed up, nothing's the way God meant it to be.
And don't think for a minute all you'll be remembered as is a cancer patient, every time I think of you I think of Cheryl that taught me colorguard, Cheryl that I used to stop at her locker because I had no one else to talk to, Cheryl that helped me become Nurse in Romeo and Juliet, Cheryl who was my Master and I her Igor, Cheryl who told me all about prom when I had no idea, Cheryl the Valadictorian that I've always looked up to, Cheryl the uppidy, happy-go-lucky girl whom I am so blessed to have become friends with. And don't be depressed and think that you're not living up to these "expectations" now, because you already have. You are a wonderful, amazing person Cheryl, don't ever think otherwise, not for a moment.
Keep fighting, Cheryl. You're always in my prayers. Love you :)
~Helen
Cheryl,
Always thinking of you and praying for you!
Glenda
It's no doubt that this decision is hard for you to make. It's a decision that no one should have to make, especially someone your age.
I am from Eyota. . . Graduated probably almost 10 years before you. Yet, my family is still there, and they told me all about you, and ever since, I read your blog every time you update. I tell my friends about you, my co-workers, and anyone/everyone who will listen. I've never even met you, but I get a great sense of who you are through your writing, and you are a marvelous young woman who has already made a great impact in life. That is what I will always remember.
Please know that you are always being thought about. Each time you go to a doctor's appointment, get poked by a needle, have the most heart-wrenching conversations with your Dr., contemplate life and the decisions you are being forced to make. . . You are being thought about.
Love always.
Cheryl,
I talked to your aunt Nicki last night. Reading your blog has put things in perspective for everyone. Live each moment to the fullest and never give up. We love you and have kept you in our prayers - even our Church here in SC prays for you and asks how you are doing. I'm sorry that we haven't kept in touch with letters and cards. We'll be sending you and your family a Christmas letter with pictures of us. Take care, love Bart, Janice and Cheryl Schlaeppi
Cheryl,
You don't know me, but I've followed your blog since it was started. I admire your courage and your honesty. I also want you to know that your willingness to share your story was the primary reason I decided to have my first colonoscopy last week. You are in my prayers.
Jim
Cheryl,
I was at the band concert the other night and the first song the senior band did made me think of you. It was the Irish song. So beautiful, so strong. I wanted it to be played again for you. Your fight has been a tough one that nobody should have to go through but you are doing it with the utmost grace and it is so impressive! I certainly hope you know how many lives you have touched with your blogs and your views. They are very inciteful. I pray for you and your family and wish you peace and love this Christmas season.
Cheryl,
Missed you so much at the concert! I know you weren't up for it, but just a testament to your goofy sense of humor. I ran across the notes that someone had scribbled on our music that made me think of you, and almost burst out laughing onstage. Very unprofessional.
I wish I had something deep to say about God right now, but just the basics that you already know - he loves you.
*hugs* Miss you! Praying for you!
-Amanda Brophy
Always thinking about you Cheryl, especially this time of year.
Because of you:
I know that colonoscopies are important, not just for the old, but for the young as well. I just had one, even though the doctor did not recommend it.
I have perspective in life. I don't stress out about the little things.
I am appreciative of all I have, and I don't dwell on earthly things.
I value each and every relationship in my life, and never take anyone or anything for granted.
I live life like I'm supposed.
You are so inspirational, and such a wonderful and sweet spirit. May you be blessed this Christmas season.
I hope you had a great Christmas. Thinking of you, praying for you ....
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